Oh the irony ....

Many weeks ago, I started writing a blog on office morale.  I did this mainly because our office morale had hit rock bottom. I had decided  to experiment and see what I could do to get some of the good ole morale back. I had drafted out a plan and was about to put it into place. While still finalizing the blog and the plan, I was called into my boss' office and told that I was being laid off due to lack of work. Here, I had worked for this office for 26 years, been through the thick and the thin, and I was being laid off. You can imagine my shock. I knew work was slow, but no cut backs had been instigated, no rules put into place regarding paper usage, the office was still purchasing snacks and drinks for the staff, and no money saving measures were mentioned. In fact, new copiers had just been leased and the office had contracted with a company for coffee and drink services.  So, of course, you can imagine my surprise and hurt.

As the senior employee, the thought that I would be the one let go first should business not pick up never entered my mind. I had specialized skills and was the "go to" person for certain projects.  Obviously, I should not have thought I had job security. 

Hurt and confused, I spent the next day basically curled up in a ball. "26 years" kept going through my mind over and over.  How do you get rid of someone who has worked for you for so long? The biggest hurt was I wasn't even told thank you for all my years of service and loyalty. I was just handed a folder, told I was being laid off due to lack of work and informed that I could go ahead and leave for the day and make arrangements to get my belongings. I think I did okay. I didn't pass out or throw up -- though I felt like I could at any moment. I did not really breakdown until I actually left the office. Oddly, after hearing the news, all I could think about was the fact that I just bought a new car (previously used) and the fact that I would no longer see the people that I were my co-workers.

I was "let go" on a Thursday -- isn't that an odd day of the week to let someone go!  So, I had Friday and the weekend to wallow in self pity.  That's what I did -- at least, that is what I attempted to do, but my family had other ideas. Course, that didn't stop me from crying.  I felt like someone had died! I was going through, and am still going through, all of the grief stages - sadness, denial, anger, etc. That next Monday was really hard.  Imagine waking up at your normal time thinking "oh, it's time to get going and get ready" and then it hits you.  Nope, no work for you! No, you are not wanted or needed there any longer.  Fortunately, the love of my life is a proactive individual and he had made sure I was up and out and working toward getting unemployment and starting my job search. He is a God send!

So, here I am. It has been almost three weeks since I lost my job. I'm still searching. I have had two interviews that I hope are promising. I now get up, get on the computer and start searching the job sites for gainful employment. I'm keeping my hopes up. I am better off than most and I have the most amazing support system. I have to believe the old saying "when one door closes, another one opens." It is hard to keep the optimistic attitude, but I have to believe that God has a plan and he will show me in good time.  I'm hoping He remembers I can be kind of slow interpreting his message. So, prayers to everyone and have a blessed day!

Thought I'd tell you about a book I read. I'm not really into a lot of romances but I do like Nora Roberts.  The book was not by Nora Roberts but was entitled Nora Roberts Land, written by Ava Miles.  It was a stroke of genius because when reading Nora Roberts books my pessimistic mind says that situations like that do not happen and there is no happily ever after.  Now, don't get me wrong. I know Ms. Miles' book is a work of fiction, but the idea that she had with the Meredith on a journey to find out if there is some truth in that happily ever after was pretty smart. I feel sure most women feel that flush of excitement, happiness and calmness like I do when reading those romances and having the knight in shining armor come in and handle all your troubles and sorrows, leaving you with the feeling that you will never have another trouble again - the Ahhhhhhh feeling! Ms. Miles' story (it is a whole series by the way), gives you the Nora Roberts feeling as well, but also pushes you toward the belief that there is such heroes and knights in the world.  I know, I know, it is just another fantasy, but it was a wonderful feeling that I just keep wanting to find.

Ms. Miles' story is funny and I love the characters she created. There is tragedy and suspense in her story as well.  In my instance, I related to Meredith's struggle to try to find herself and get back out in the dating world. Some of her experiences mimicked my own, LOL! I found myself wanting to create an alter ego like "Divorcee Woman"! Not sure about the lingerie though - it sounded a little uncomfortable!

For a good and light read, I urge you to check this book out.  I am about to start the next book in the series, French Roast.  Can't want to jump right in to it! 

Hate It! And Yes I Posted This For a Reason

I haven't posted on my blog in a while. Truthfully, I've had too much I wanted to say and couldn't get my thoughts aligned. I really hate this. I hate the spot I'm in. I hate that I now have the designation of "widow." I hate having everyone watching and waiting to see if I am going to break down or have a mental break (NO, I'm not!). I hate that I miss Jeff. I hate that Jeff died and left me with a mess to clean up. I hate he left me alone. I hate I am having to learn all about myself all over again. I hate that I have to figure out the world as a single person. I hate that I don't belong to anyone anymore. I hate that, once again, I have to be independent instead of having someone to share everything with, the good and the bad. 

It's funny, so many women are striving for their independence in the world, and I want to have someone to help carry my load. Yeah, yeah, I know, I can handle it all and I can do whatever needs to be done or at least figure out a way to get things done. I've always been able to and hopefully always have that means, BUT every once in a while I'd like to lay the load down and have someone else handle it.  Even having my dad help me get rid of Jeff's trucks helped, but in the end, I had to be involved. There are still so much more to be done, all of it my responsibility, and I have no motivation to do it.

I know I am thinking this way because I'm tired.  I don't sleep well these days and it catches up with me. I do have a great family and absolutely wonderful friends who will drop everything to help me and have dropped everything to help me. I get wonderful support and advice from them all and I appreciate it so much. I don't think they realize how much. There is no amount of money that will ever repay everything friends and family have done for me. I am grateful and please forgive my whining. 

Putting thoughts to paper is one way to help deal with various issues you are fighting in your mind. In fact, my Grief Share class encourages you to journal.  Probably not some much in this forum, but, oh well.  I have nothing to hide and at least everyone will know I'm working things out in a healthy way and not moping at home, crying myself to sleep every night or generally not taking care of myself (yes, I'm eating healthy). No, Mom, I am fine and am just working through it all.  I'm not going to break or give up. I have to be allowed to work through it all by myself and figure it all out. Now, while you all may not understand what "it" is, I do know and that is all that matters. Unless you've been through it, you have no idea.

So, to ease every one's mind, I'm okay. I'm fine and I'm doing really well in that Grief Share class. I highly recommend it to anyone who has ever lost spouse, child, or any family member. Two classes in and I am already understanding myself a little better.

So, say a little prayer for me as I will for you all and be happy that tomorrow is FRIDAY! :)